Alexander
No Toga Party Here.
Starring: Colin Farrell, Angelina Jolie, Val Kilmer, Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Plummer, Jared Leto, Rosario Dawson, Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Brian Blessed
Director: Oliver Stone
Screenwriters: Oliver Stone, Christopher Kyle, Laeta Kalogridis
Reviewed by LarryStanley
Man. It was amazing and reminded me of some of the classic sword and sandal films of the Golden Age of Hollywood. Exciting, romantic, with epic battles and the honor of one man against many. I could watch it over and over.
That was Gladiator.
Too bad Oliver Stone's Alexander was nearly three hours of boredom. Yes, boredom, and I still can’t figure out how in God’s name you can make the story of one of the greatest warriors and leaders in the history of mankind boring.
"You shall fall by the power of
my laugh inducing helmet!" |
The film is a tedious convention for pretty boys and models acting with all the ability of a head of lettuce. The only standouts in the whole thing were Val Kilmer, Anthony Hopkins and Christopher Plummer.
Alexander the Pretty leads the Greek Army conquering what then was most of the known world - at the same time alienating his closest friends and generals - and the most exciting scene in the film is reduced to a point of “When will it end?” Not because of the carnage wrought on screen, but because you're half asleep and wondering why you gave up this much time of your life.
Colin Farrell's Alexander comes off as more wimpy warrior then great General, and not the mighty leader history tell us he was. It seems the film was more interested in spotlighting his bisexuality (a concept still under argument in most historical schools) and actually shows that issue among the Greeks and Alexander almost as much as they do the battle scenes.
That the Greeks tended to make lovers of their younger partners in battle is not that important to me. The only thing it does show is that just as women should be allowed in combat, Homosexuals are just as capable as Heterosexuals of killing and dying in war.
I think a much better propaganda film could have been made on this issue than Alexander.
The film here leaves little room for doubt about Alexander’s love for men as well as women. The love and friendship between Hephaistion and Alexander is depcited with little question. The sly looks at the bed and the comment, “The night before a battle is no time to be alone” with a coy smile does not make one think Alexander is sending the guy off to fine a woman.
He is much more tender with most of the men he interacts with than the women he beds with as in the scenes with his new wife on their wedding night. Here, he and Roxanne (Rosario Dawson) fight like a BDSM couple and as he attempts to rape (yes, rape) her we see the anger that has grown from his own hatred of his mother, Olympias (Jolie).
Which takes us into one of the more interesting questions raised by the film and the casting. Jolie is American, born in LA and a graduate of various American schools. Her father is Jon Voight; her mother is Marcheline Bertrand, an American. Yes, she was a model (what a shock) in Europe and England. She wants to live in England.
Maybe that is why she has that atrocious English accent. Which brings the question, if you are going to have a character of Asian descent, played by a woman with an English accent, why not find a REAL ENGLISH actress? I don’t care what anyone says, while Jolie is attractive, she is not the most attractive woman in the world. And she is not that amazing an actress. I know of a bunch more with a lot more talent.
Accents.. Greek warriors with Scottish, British and other accents. What is this? Did all the Greek actors suddenly retire or die off?
You would think that this would add some humor to the story, even if it is not intentional. Nope, it just comes across as a stupid piece of casting. And some of these actors are actually pretty good. They do have talent, they do have ability. But, they are not Greek and Macedonian warriors.
This is an over stuffed turkey of a film delivered during Thanksgiving in order to get a better shot at the Oscars. And if it does win, I will start the petition to have Brad Pitt’s Troy re-released and given some sort of prize. Compared to Alexander, Troy was the greatest film in history.
As I said, the only good acting to me occurred with Plummer as the philosopher and teacher Aristotle. Plummer is excellent in this role, as it gives him the chance to demonstrate his own classic skills. Hopkins, as the older and maybe only surviving member of Alexander’s inner circle Ptolemy, comes across with style and grace as he recites his own history of Alexander to the scribes around him.
And Val Kilmer as Phillip the One Eyed is as good as I have ever seen him. His anger, ego, bigotries and ticked off attitude toward his wife and even to Alexander are amazing. His feeling of confusion to his son, drifting between love and even fear at times is proof of his talent.
If you want excitement in a movie, go watch National Treasure. If you just have to have sword and sandal, rent an old Steve Reeves movie or go see Gladiator again.
Don’t waste three hours of your life here.
| Rating: |
 (1 out of 4 stars) |
Larry Stanley is the editor and publisher of Penguin Comics and Movies, located at http://www.penguincomics.net and has done over 500 movie reviews in his career. He is also a contributing reviewer to Cultcuts magazine (http://www.cultcuts.net) and Columbia360 (http://www.columbia360.com/) as well the magazine Devine Exploitation.
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