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Glitter DVD

Year Released: 2001
Starring: Mariah Carey, Max Beesley, Da Brat, Tia Texada, Eric Benét, Terrence Howard
Director: Vondie Curtis-Hall

All That Glitters Is Crap

Reviewed by Lise Ching

I first viewed Mariah Carey's film debut, Glitter, expecting to find her acting to be among the worst I'd ever seen. Surprisingly, she was not the worst thing about the picture. Don't get me wrong, Mariah and Glitter were bad. Very bad. But, it is the kind of bad that makes for great comedy.

I hope everyone involved in the making of Glitter learned from the experience. I know I gained a great deal of wisdom simply from viewing it; and I'd like to share some of the life lessons I gleaned with you.

Lesson #1: Explore the quote they've found for the back of the box.
The only quote featured on the DVD box is from Kevin Thomas of the LA Times. "Glitter fits Mariah Carey like one of her skin-tight gowns." Depending on how that sentence is finished, the meaning can vary greatly. Add the ending of your choice. "Badly." "Like it's strangling the very soul from her body."

Lesson #2: Director Vondie Curtis-Hall has delusions of grandeur.
From the audio commentary, I learned that Curtis-Hall's goal was to make a film classic like Funny Girl or A Star is Born. Let's just say that he aimed high and missed. Never once does he mention the "success" of his own film. He does, however, spend an inordinate amount of time discussing the sets and the clubs he filmed in. Save yourself the energy from listening to the audio commentary and just accept that New York City in the 1980s was a happening place.

Lesson #3: Speaking of the 1980s, I'd like to remind you that they were a really bad time for fashion.
From the painter's cap to the running shorts to the leg warmers, all I can say is "May they never rise again." I think that he set the movie in the 80s because the fashions would add that sense of camp to the movie and would distract from the predictable story and after-school-special acting. I was so busy laughing at some of the outfits that I forgot to notice that I paid for the opportunity to see this movie. And what is up with the swipe of silver paint that is always somewhere on Mariah's body?! Does she have an auto detailing shop on the side?

Lesson #4: Ann Magnuson must have had a very large debt to settle to have agreed to be in this movie
She has a permed mullet. Need I say more?

Lesson #5: If nothing else, Glitter will provide you with at least one fabulous line that you and your friends will find ample opportunity to repeat.
"Is she black? Is she white? She's exotic. I want to see more of her breasts."

So, go my friends, and revel in the joy of cinema. And remember, "Never let the glitter overpower the artist."

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