Survivor All Stars
by Lise
"I like my water filtered" Ching
America’s Tribal Council (airdate 5/13/04)
Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupert!
Not much more needs to be said, except:
-A big thank you to Jeff for calling Jerri on her complaints against him. And for offering them all the chance to leave.
-Johnny Fairplay, how do we loathe thee? What was that he said about being on some wrestling show for Fox Sports? What is this world coming to?
-Of course Rob and Amber’s wedding will be on television. I have a feeling that we will not be rid of them for a while.
- "Quote of the Night" went to Big Tom for his summary of his relationship with Boston Rob, “I’m 48 and we’re gonna work through it.”
The next Survivor extravaganza will be coming to a television near you in September.
Finale and Reunion Show (air date 5/9/04)
And then there were four...
I tuned in to watch what I thought would be the last episode of Survivor All Stars. As you surely know by now, there will be a bonus live show on Thursday, May 13th – with a twist – we get to choose another million dollar winner. My vote went to Rupert. I would have voted for Shii Ann, but she got a free car from Amber!
Highlights of Finale show:
•Jenna nearly voting her conscience (Rupert) because she “didn’t want to give [Rob and Amber] the smug satisfaction that they’re guaranteed a spot.” In the end, she clearly remembered that she was playing a game to win a million dollars, not trying to win a popularity contest, and she voted Rupert off.
•The only reason that the lame “rite of passage” was a highlight is because I Tivo’d the show and was able to skip through all that crap.
•The moment during the Immunity Challenge when I realized, “Holy crap, I am rooting for Jenna!”
•Rob and Amber agreeing to stick it out in the battle for final immunity. Or, at least pretending to stick it out.
•Rob’s declaration that the rest of tribe never saw his alliance with Amber. “They never had a clue. They never saw it coming. They’re all gonna hate us when it’s over.” What?! I realize that a lot can be manipulated in the editing of a show, but generally when a woman spends 39 days sitting on a man’s lap, it is a pretty safe bet that they have an alliance.
•From the final Tribal Council, kick ass Shii Ann stated, “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” While I can see how those on the jury felt manipulated and screwed over by the dynamic duo, Rob and Amber, Shii Ann was the only one throughout the game who seemed to keep it in perspective.
•Rob’s teary-eyed apology in his final speech of the Tribal Council: “I am sorry to each and every one of yous.”
•Best line of the entire show: Alicia in the voting booth as she chose Amber as the Sole Survivor, “Rob, remember when I promised that I would never write your name down. Well, I am a woman of my word.” That makes up for her “I am not sure which one of you has more crap on your lips” comment during Tribal. Ick.
Highlights of the Reunion show:
•Everyone’s been talking about the proposal, Jerri walking out, and Tom nearly slugging Boston Rob, but what about the fact that they didn’t even acknowledge Rob Cesternino’s presence?! Wasn’t it not that long ago that Jeff Probst had declared him “The best Survivor to never win the game.”
•Going to that proposal for a minute, I thought there was a stipulation that the contestants couldn’t agree to share the money. Isn’t agreeing to marry right before the winner is announced an agreement to share the money?!
•Did you see Susan Hawk’s new boobs?!
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Episode 14 (air date 5/6/04)
"Paranoia will destroy ya." And if paranoia doesn't get ya, Boston Rob will. As much as I do not want him to win, no one can deny that he is playing the hell out of this game. His plan to pit Tom against Rupert (after overhearing a plot to oust him) was clever as a strategy and downright genius when it worked.
Tonight's Reward Challenge tested the All Stars skills at pieces of previous challenges. As Rob has won nearly every challenge, it was no surprise that he walked away the victor at this one either. His prize: a Chevy Colorado truck. When asked who he'd like to take with him in his new truck for a night at the movies, Rob replied, "It's gotta be Ambuh." Surprise surprise. As her reward for being chosen by Rob, Amber won a Chevy Malibu. After a night under the stars, Rob stated, "Ambuh's a lot more special to me than when we started this." Could that possibly be because when you started this, you didn't know her at all?! In true "We think we are superior to everyone else" fashion, Rob and Amber divided the candy they brought back to the group into five piles - and took their own.
After the Immunity Challenge (which Rob won - but, come on, the winning answer was the name of their own tribe), Big Tom, Rupert and Jenna began to scramble. Why they scramble when the clear answer is "Vote out Amber" is beyond me, especially after her Tribal Council declaration of "I can smell the money, it's so close." Nevertheless, each player is still under the false assumption that they are aligned with Boston Rob, so out went Big Tom.
Tune in Sunday, May 9th at 8 PM for the finale and reunion shows.
Episode
13 (air date 4/29/04)
My favorite
kind of Reward Challenges are the ones that involve family members
or eating disgusting things. This week's episode gave me
both. They had to eat fish heads, flying cockroaches, some
sort of revolting fish in seawater concoction, a tarantula and
a live grub. Tom's son, Bo, was the clear winner after
swallowing the squiriming grub whole. Tom was allowed to
choose one All Star and family member to share in the Reward,
a trip to a much improved Chapera camp complete with pizza and
beer. He chose Rob and his brother (who came in second in
the food contest).
This
week's Immunity Challenge was also won by Tom, despite a strong
showing by Shii Ann. Knowing that her head was on the chopping
block, Shii Ann scrambled to try to get Jenna voted out.
She said, "If I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go out fighting."
I have admired her scrappy wit throughout the season, and looked
forward to seeing her at Tribal Council. However, she really
sealed her fate with a long and rambling speech. She vowed
to "out" who she thought the rest of the All Stars needed
to look out for - Amber.
Episode
12 (air date 4/22/04)
There
is more potential for fire by playing the "True Feelings"
game than by giving each player some kindling and matches.
Alicia was voted "Least Deserving to Be an All-Star"
and "Thinks She's Smarter Than She Is." With good
reason, she was pissed. Amazingly enough, Rob voted himself
"Most Honest."
In an
unparalled show of determination, Shii Ann won immunity during
the hold-your-arm-above-your-head-so-the-bucket-of-water-doesn't-fall-on-you
competition. Her arm didn't move once. She outlasted
both Rob M. and Rupert. Back at camp, she spoke out to the
camera, "They should be coming to me for an alliance, but
they don't. Stupid, stupid people. Stupid players."
So true, Shii Ann, so true.
Staying
true to those True Feelings, the tribe voted out Alicia.
Episode
11 (air date 4/15/04)
This
week's combined Reward/Immunity challenge was a doozy. The
players first battled as two teams of four to climb over, under,
and through a variety of obstacles to win letters from home and
rain parkas. The only thing worse than seeing Boston Rob
win again was seeing Big Tom struggle to fit under the
belly crawl part of the course. Wait, there was something
worse - the wretched impersonation that Rob's brother did on his
video from home; that was supposed to be Don King?!?!?!
The
four reward winners (Rob, Amber, Alicia and Shii Ann) then battled
to complete a Thai puzzle and a chance at immunity. Again,
Rob was victorious. Jeff Probst summed up the sentiment
perfectly by announcing, "Rob just won immunity and the rest
of the video of his brother - which I'm sure no one wants to watch."
Clearly Rob didn't either, since he gave up the chance to watch
the video to ensure everyone got their letter from home.
I salute
Rob as being an excellent player, and probably unbeatable in the
immunity challenges - but I can still enjoy plotting his downfall.
How the others don't see that the only chance they have at the
money is by getting rid of Amber is beyond me?
Back
at camp, Kathy and Shii Ann scrambled to bring the others to their
side. Tribal Council revealed Lex's new Taxi Driver-style
mohawk. He was soon joined by the second member of the jury
as Kathy was voted out of the tribe. Amazingly enough, Kathy
was surprised that Rob betrayed her again: "I thought
Rob was gonna do it for me. I wanted that money so bad cause
I got robbed last time." Well, Kathy, this time you
got Robbed.
Episode
10 (air date 4/8/04)
Official
title of episode: "Anger, Tears and Chaos"
Working
title: "Lex Gets Screwed"
The
reward challenge allowed the All Stars to compete in their first
individual challenge - won easily by Rupert. He took Amber
and Jenna with him to the resort for massages, facials and a feast.
Amber showed a hint of a conscience when Rupert and Jenna revelled
in their plans for the "final five" to include Amber,
Rupert, Jenna, Big Tom and Rob. Perhaps the toll of working
all of those fake alliances is getting to her?
Upon
their return from the resort, the freshly cleaned trio joined
the rest of the All Stars in the merge. The newly formed
Chaboga Mogo now had to remake their camp on the old Saboga beach.
This
week's immunity challenge awarded immunity to one woman and one
man - Kathy and Boston Rob, respectively. Back at camp,
Rob pledged to a fearful Lex, "I'll do everything I can.
Know what I mean?" Yeah, we know what you mean.
You mean, "Pack your bags, Lex. You've been played."
A devastated Kathy swore to Lex that she would rather give her
immunity to him than allow Rob to get away with his treachery.
Tribal Council proved that Lex would be doubly screwed - Kathy
denies him immunity, and he is voted out.
A few
observations: None of the women look as devastatingly thin
as in previous Survivors. In fact, Alicia is staying
freakishly buffed. After nearly two months total on the
beach, Rupert is shaping up nicely. This leads me to predict
some sort of weird post-Survivor partnership between
Alicia and Rupert. I can see it now..."Get in shape
the Survivor way!"
I can
only hope that Amber is aware that Rob seems much more into her
than she is. How sweet would that double-cross
be?!
Episode
9 (air date 4/1/04)
After
the meet-and-greet picnic with members of the opposing tribe (at
which Shii-Ann displayed the first awareness among the contestants
about Rob M by saying, "Rob is the dangerous one. He's
gonna win and win and win."), each player was instructed
to draw a new buff. In what was clearly an attempt to mix
things up, the new tribes were exactly the same as before, with
two differences - Chapera was now Mogo Mogo (and vice versa) -
and Amber was now playing for the other team. How conveeeeenient.
The
new Chapera (where Amber remained) revelled in their new home,
enjoying the toothbrushes, shampoo and swing. The new Mogo
Mogo whined about their crappy camp and the loss of Amber.
I don't believe that the players were that dense - surely they
just aren't showing us the footage of Big Tom, Alicia, Rupert
and Jenna jumping up and down over the separation of Mr. and Mrs.
Survivor.
Mogo
Mogo won immunity, prompting Boston Rob to whisper to Lex:
You take care of [Amber], I'll take care of you." The
ever-trusting Lex took him at his word and convinced the rest
of his tribemates to vote out Jerri. While Jerri's torch
may have been snuffed, with this game-ending blunder, surely Lex
isn't far behind.
The
Obligatory Montage Episode (air date 3/24/04)
This
week's "Looking Back" montage episode contained only
one new piece of information - Colby suffered from a chafed crotch.
Episode
8 (air date 3/17/04)
This
week's "Forget 'Pushing Through the Pain,' Give Me Some Good
Drugs" Award goes to Lex for his spectacular fall off the
spinning cylinder in this week's Reward Challenge. My surgically-repaired
kneecap aches for you.
The
"Too Lazy to Think of a Cool Reward" Award goes to the
entire crew. I have no doubt that it gets tiresome to try
to think of new and clever awards each week, so this week's episode
called upon one member from each tribe to decide what to loot
from the opposite tribe.
The
"Don't Let My Dumb Accent Fool You" Award goes to Boston
Rob. Each week he excels at challenges, and seems to have
snowed the rest of his tribemates into not voting him out.
But, man this guy is annoying. I want him to win one million
dollars about as much as I want a sharp kick in the head.
Consider this quote about Amber, "She's sweet, she's funny,
she's got a great personality - and her ass is smokin."
The
"Are You Really That Naive" Award goes to the aforementioned
Amber. While I predict that it will be she and Rob in the
final two, she is kidding herself to think that he is going to
hand her the money. Speaking of naive, what is the rest
of the group thinking?! The rest of the tribemates need
to band together and vote one of the dynamic duo out of the game
- and fast.
The
"With Friends Like These" Award goes to Lex for his
speech to Ethan about how it was important to tell him that he
would be voted out. "But, we can still be friends."
Yeah, right.
Episode
7 (air date 3/11/04)
Tonight's
episode was a study in opposites.
The
Reward/Immunity Challenge would provide one tribe with a BBQ,
open bar, desserts and frolicking on both a yacht and a waterfall
- plus the temporary "borrowing" of a member of the
opposing tribe (in this case, Mogo Mogo's Kathy). The losing
tribe would get, well, more rotten coconut.
Tom
quipped: "This is like the fanciest house trailer you've
ever seen - floatin!" I think it's safe to assume that
Big Tom has seen his fair share of house trailers, so I'll take
his word for it.
Kathy:
"Chapera is a tribe having fun" versus Mogo Mogo where
"it's all work." A BBQ and an open bar is a pretty
big fun enhancer, my dear.
Fish
tally for Rupert with just a spear...too many to count.
Fish
tally for Tom with four fishing poles...none.
In Jerri's
mind: "I am good at keeping spirits high."
In reality: Kathy and Shii Ann scream out "She is such
a bitch!"
Lex
vows to completely change his strategy from the way he played
in Africa. And it works! Colby is surprised as his
tribe turns on him.
Survivor
Fans: Next week's episode will air on WEDNESDAY, March 17th.
Episode
6 (air date 3/4/04)
Many
of the All Stars started to show their true colors this week:
Colby
takes it upon himself to explain Shii-Ann's game to her.
To which Shii-Ann replies, "Okay, Captain America with his
good teeth. Oh, I'm sorry. Are you done? We're
equal, but I'm not dumb enough to tell him that." It's
comments like this one that suggest that Shii-Ann is a lot more
cunning and savvy than we've been led to believe up to this point.
Sue
wakes up after a night thinking about Richard Hatch's bump-and-grind
at the previous day's immunity challenge: "Every time
I wake up I can re-feel Richard naked. Why'd he have to
touch me?" Due to the Blurry Monster that is the NBC
censor, the viewers didn't get to really see what Hatch did to
Sue in Episode 5. Our ignorance helped to fuel the thought
that perhaps Sue was just over-reacting. Perhaps she was,
but I do know she seemed pretty convinced that she'd been inexcusably
wronged. Sue walked off the game prior to the Reward Challenge.
Vegetarian
Ethan chowed down on the Reward steak shish kebabs: "It
was so good. I wanted to rub my face in it. Sleep
next to it."
Rob
M. declared once again, "It's my game." With the
verbal (and seemingly physical) alliance between he and Amber,
I fear he may be right. He's a player, in every sense of
the word.
Episode
5 (air date 2/26/04)
This
episode was clearly sponsored by the word "Switcharoo."
A sampling of some of the wildest switcharoos:
Tom
"accidentally" mixing up his words by saying "Nice
rack" to Alicia instead of "Nice raft."
Losing
the reward challenge resulted in a major switcharoo: Ethan
and Jerri were sent to Mogo Mogo. Rupert and Jenna shipped
off to Chapera.
Rupert
announces that Chapera's shelter is the Taj Majal - compared to
the Hobo Junction that was Saboga.
Panama
Rupert vs. All Star Rupert - what happened? Where's the
strength and cunning?
And
in the episode's greatest switcharoo of all, Mogo Mogo changes
their mind on who to vote off from Ethan to Richard to Colby to
Richard. It was so fabulous to see the cocky (sometimes
literally) Richard get his torched snuffed.
Episode
4 (air date 2/19/04)
The
excitement of tonight's episode came in the words of the Survivors.
Lex:
"Once we get the third key, we won't have to rely so heavily
on Richard for food."
By thinking
clearly about the rice bin, this statement shows that Lex may
be the only player in Mogo Mogo with a chance of beating Richard
Hatch.
Sue:
"You have no bone to give me, Richard."
What
do you expect, Richard, if you wander about with your floppy on
display?
Tom:
"What's a pace? My pace is bigger than a midget's
pace."
So true, Big Tom, so true. And just think, he said this
before being repeatedly hit in the head with huge puzzle
pieces during the Immunity Challenge.
Boston
Rob M.: "Why are [the puzzle pieces] two colors?"
Because.
It's. A. Puzzle.
And
speaking of Boston Rob, Amber had this to say about their blooming
romance when confronted by host Jeff Probst during Tribal Council:
Amber:
"I'm 25 and having fun."
To which
Big Tom added, "I'm 48 and watching and having fun."
I was
rather disappointed to see Rob C. get voted off tonight.
With the mental agility of the remaining Chapera tribe members,
they better hope to get only physical challenges from here on
out. The cumulative IQ of Big Tom, Boston Rob, Amber, Sue
and Alicia rates far below that of the "best player to never
win the game."
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to talk about this with other Survivor fans?
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to the SJ Fanboy Forum now!
Episode
3 (air date 2/12/04)
Death
and construction are the themes of Episode Three. To survive,
the tribes must catch fish. Once again, Rupert outfished
Ethan. But, Richard proved himself to be ruler of the sea.
Armed with nothing but a spear and his own personal bait and tackle,
Richard manhandled a shark into submission. The shark bites
him. Richard bites back. Richard wins. Mogo
Mogo has a feast. Holy crap - was I just rooting for Richard?!
With
a little product placement for Home Depot, the construction phase
of the episode began. The Reward Challenge provided each
tribe with a set of tools to build a shelter. The winning
tribe would receive a housewarming gift and a clue to the next
key to the rice crate (see Episode 2). Chapera won hands
down for their creative house and fun accessories including a
swing and checkerboard. Mogo Mogo took second place.
Saboga, coming in third, lost more than the competition - the
desperation exuding from Rupert almost made me change the channel.
I just wanted to cry out, "Rupert! We like you!
We really like you!"
And
we circled back to death with the revelation that Survivor Amazon
winner Jenna's mom was about to succumb to cancer. Did anyone
else suddenly find last season's Johnny Fairplay to be even more
sleazy when faced with the clear anguish of Jenna. Tribemate
Kathy played the "buck up little camper" game with Jenna,
which might have worked until she tried the "negativity will
eat away at morale like a cancer" strategy. Uh, hello?!
That's like consoling the victim of an explosion by saying, "Life
sure is a blast!"
For
the first time in Survivor history that a challenge was cancelled.
Jenna's decision to leave the game made the "who will get
voted out" tension a moot point. Her mom died eight
days later.
Episode
2 (air date 2/5/04)
The
second installment of the Survivor All Stars begins with three
of life's greatest challenges: no fire and water; endless
retelling of "when I was in the war" stories; and the
sight of an overweight, naked gay man (or rather, thanks to the
censors, an overweight, blurry in the middle, gay man).
What
other challenges and treats were bestowed upon our Survivors this
week?
All
of the tribes received mystery crates - later revealed to be full
of rice. And probably maggots. Mmm maggots.
Saboga
wins the Reward Challenge. They trade their individual prize
of blankets for an all-tribe prize of a cooking pot, flint and
a map to the first key to the rice crate.
Richard
is still confident that he will win - and his cockiness is annoying.
Rob
C. is still confident that he will win - and his cockiness makes
me want to pinch his cheeks.
The
hot air continually spewing from Jenna L's mouth causes the fire
to singe off her hair when she gets too close. Fabulous.
Either
it's the smell of burnt hair, or the "Queen of the Jungle
attitude," but Jenna L. rubs Ethan the wrong way by telling
him that they might let him stick around a few more days.
Saboga
loses their second Immunity Challenge in a row. They lost
their lead by not playing as smart as the other tribes.
Survivor Rule #1: Sometimes rules were made to broken.
Rudy
is the second person voted out of Survivor. No matter what
you think about this game, you have to admire the tenacity of
this man. I hope to kick that much ass when I am 75!
Episode
1 (air date 2/1/04)
Ah,
another Survivor season and with castaways from the past
to boot! With each of the three tribes receiving only one canteen
each, a machete and a water pot, this may be the first true test
of survival that we've seen so far. I suspect that thirst will
be the tribe members' first hurdle, followed closely by Susan
"My therapist hates me" Hawk. Here are the highlights
of the first show...
Susan
apparent' strategy is "Be annoying from the very first instant."
Her back-up plan is to drink the contaminated water. She can handle
it, she insists, because she "drank enough beaver poop in
Canada". And that is something to be proud of, eh.
Fourteen
minutes - the time it took for Richard Hatch to get naked.
Jenna
Lewis still hasn't learned to keep her mouth shut.
Jerri
Manthey has learned to keep her mouth shut.
Is it
just me or does Rob M. look like he's about to pull a Friends'
Joey Tribiani-style "How YOU doin?" at any moment? In
the meantime, I will look forward to more brilliant Rob M. utterances
like this gem declared on Day Two: "We've been bustin our
ass trying to make fire since Day One."
The
Mogo Mogo female tribe members discussing an alliance against
the men with Richard Hatch in ear shot. Their plans took off for
all of two minutes.
Seventy-five
year old Rudy seeks an alliance with Rupert. Men of Honor and
Amazing Ab Flab.
The
first person voted out was Tina Wesson - winner of Survivor
Outback. Did she use her million dollars to buy new boobs?!
Speaking of purchases, does anyone actually buy the buffs they
push on us at the end of each episode?
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