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Trailer Trash (Or Not)

The summer movie season is once again upon us with all the explosions, inflated budgets, and product tie-ins that go along with it. SJ Fanboy delves into the bottomless pit of summer movie trailers to see what looks good and what look like CRAP! We also throw in our two cents on a few post summer trailers for good measure.

Compiled by Kevin Cunningham.

	MOVIE: White Chicks TRAILER I'll give the Wayans brothers credit. They're consistently trying new things to be entertaining. And the make-up they're using in this film is scary. Scarier than Dawn of the Dead, or any Freddy Krueger movie. Intensely nightmare inducing, like the videos of car crashes they'd show in Driver's Ed. Oh, this is a comedy? Erm...yea. That may not be so good. Grade: 1 Star

	MOVIE: Spiderman 2 (Teaser) TRAILER This trailer does a lot of things right. It has a nice scene which exemplifies the theme of the movie, both emotional and action. It has some great clips without giving much away. It gets you interested. One problem, though. As much as I love Kirsten Dunst, am I the only one who thinks she was stoned out of her mind in the scene shown? GRADE: 3 Stars MOVIE: Spiderman 2 (Full Trailer) TRAILER And here's a great example of a trailer gone wrong. I mean, come on, was there any part of the plot we didn't see? I mean, other than the ending. And who wants to sit around for 90 minutes for that? At least it looks damn cool. GRADE: 1 1/2 Stars

	MOVIE: Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban TRAILER It looks like the students at Hogwarts have finally had their balls drop. Well, except for Hermie, of course. And Ron for that matter. This film looks, well, just about the same as the rest, with Gary Oldman as the scene-stealing guest star of the moment. It's all fun and good, but seriously, how long until we see these kids in bad straight to video flicks? GRADE: 2 1/2 Stars.

	MOVIE: The Terminal TRAILER The trailer is hilarious and inspirational at the same time. But forget the trailer. This is Tom Hanks working with Steven Spielberg. Just see the damned thing, you won't regret it. GRADE: 4 Stars

	MOVIE: Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle TRAILER Other than the fact that the main actors are introduced as ìThat insert race here guy from insert cult classic film here,î this trailer is beyond hilarious. The trailer itself may be the best work Anthony Anderson has done since The Barbershop. And what the heck has Neil Patrick Harris become, and why can't all child stars become so cool? If you don't know what Whitecastle is, just think of it as the Krispy Kreme of hamburgers, except it's not all over the place. If you don't know what Krispy Kreme is, get a life already. GRADE: 3 1/2 Stars.

	MOVIE: The Village TRAILER It's the Amish meet Alien. It's M. Night Shymalan with his visuals, his sense of color and his ability to make actors who are far too big for their own good be just cool again. But, will the greatest question of all be answered: Why is an Indian director so obsessed with Pennsylvania? GRADE: 3 Stars

	MOVIE: Mr. 3000 TRAILER Look, it's Bernie Mac doing his impression of the egotistical athlete in the Budweiser commercials! Yea, so it looks like just another major league version of, well, Major League. Still, Bernie Mac is one of the most underrated comedians in film today. Two things,however. First, who the heck would put the Milwaukee Brewers in a movie? Second, you know Barry Bonds is going to bitchslap Bernie for taking the one earring thing. GRADE: 2 1/2 Stars

	MOVIE: Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow TRAILER Man, you've got to love a film that captures the visual imagery and imagination of 1930's Art Deco animation. This looks great. Wait a minute, so did that The Phantom movie. Suddenly, this film looks less cool. And since that Beyond Borders crap, Angelina Jolie just ain't as cool as she used to be. GRADE: 2 Stars

	MOVIE: Garden State TRAILER I'm an independent filmmaker trying to make a name for myself, you bet I'm going to frame everything dramatically straight out of my cinematography textbook from film school, and then try to get people to see me based on just the visuals and a song that probably won't be in the soundtrack. Well, okay, it does have me hooked. GRADE: 3 1/2 Stars.

	MOVIE: Garfield The Movie TRAILER That computer animated thing looks so unlike Garfield that it's ridiculous. But then, Odie doesn't look like Odie. And Liz the Vet never looked like Jennifer Love Hewitt (remember, in the comic strip, Garfield's stomach was decidedly bigger than her bust). Heck, the one Garfield joke in Shrek 2 was probably funnier than this entire movie (and kudos if you caught it). But, there's one X-Factor to remember in this film: Breckin Meyer as Jon. It's so crazy it just might work. No, probably not. But it'll make this thud of a movie a more enjoyable thud. GRADE: 1/2 Star

	MOVIE: I Robot TRAILER No summer is complete without Will Smith ini a summer blockbuster...too bad he's lost just about all his edge. But, the true question is, what is this movie based on: The Issac Asimov book of the same name, or the historical sequences from the Animatrix? As far as I'm concerned, this is only a prequel to the Matrix. The question is, will it even be as good as the crap that passed for sequels? Not a very high bar to hurdle. GRADE: 1 1/2 Stars

	MOVIE: The Chronicles of Riddick TRAILER Sure, it looks cool, but how good can a sequel to a sci-fi horror film be? Vin Diesel is still essentially playing the same guy in all his movies (the asshole villain who has to do heroic stuff against his will), but with glo-in-the-dark contacts. GRADE: 3 Stars

	MOVIE: Dodgeball TRAILER One of the great trailers of the summer. Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Hank Azaria, Stephen Root, Rip Torn, and Gary Cole ('mmmKay' Lumbergh from Office Space) could be one of the best and most underrated comedy casts in ages. Every shot in this trailer is a laugh out loud fest, which means you need to watch it twice, since you'll miss half of it the first time through. GRADE: 4 Stars

	MOVIE: Collateral TRAILER This one is a bit of a puzzler. It's definitely not your usual Jamie Foxx, doing something serious. And while this could be Tom Cruise doing a bit of a Denzel-like Training Day turn, it doesn't feel like a knock-off of another actor's work. Could be a surprise hit of the summer. GRADE: 3 Stars

	MOVIE: The Incredibles TRAILER On one hand, you've got the teaser. One sequence of laugh out loud hilarity. Each second is funnier than the next. Classic Pixar. Then you've got the trailer. Rather than giving away too much about the film, it gives away nothing. The sequences aren't funny and have little to do with each other. You learn more from the teaser than the trailer. And I'm not entirely comfortable with Samuel L. Jackson threatening his ëwoman' in a trailer directed at kids. TEASER GRADE: 4 Stars TRAILER GRADE: 1 Star

	MOVIE: Catwoman TRAILER Uh huh. Comic book fans, can anyone explain to me just what in the hell this movie has to do with the comic book? Other than the title? Seriously, Catwoman is a thief, plain and simple, not some supernatural mutant on a revenge mission fueled by catnip. GRADE: Nothing

	MOVIE: The Bourne Supremacy TRAILER Ignore the fact that this is Matt Damon's only successful attempt at action. Ignore that most of the original cast (sans Chris Cooper, of course) is back. Ignore that it's a sequel. The requisite car chase scene looks a lot more like a demolition derby than anything. That alone should be worth the price of admission. GRADE: 3 1/2 Stars

	MOVIE: Anacondas: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid TRAILER: Oh my lord. No Jennifer Lopez, no Jon Voight, no Ice Cube or Owen Wilson. Possibly the worst plot of the year. They spent 4 years and 7 changes on this film's name. God, theSprint video phone commercials are better filmmaking than this crap. GRADE: Nothing

	MOVIE: Aliens Vs. Predator TRAILER: Just the fact this trailer exists is a fanboy wet dream. GRADE: 4 Stars

	MOVIE: King Arthur TRAILER So what exactly is this film trying to be? A factual history of the supposed King Arthur? A radical Elseworlds fiction? Or a reason to put Keira Knightley in the skimpiest rip off of a bondage outfit you can find outside of the world wide web? Bonus points for the ëenhanced trailer' at the film's website. It's silly and stupid and no one's going to get anything out of it, but at least it's an effort to do something different. GRADE: 3 Stars

	MOVIE: Anchorman TRAILER It's Will Ferrell. Just go see it. Still, the problem with silly actors who do their best work by making fools of themselves is that, to get paid the big bucks, they have to be redeemed in a Hollywood like fashion. So I'm sure Will won't be upset if you leave in the last 30 minutes of this film, because that part will probably suck. GRADE: 3 1/2 Stars

	MOVIE: Alexander TRAILER So, which Alexander will be better? The conspiracy laden Oliver Stone one (JFK was only in the way of his world domination, you know), or the ambiguously gay Baz Luhrmann one due out in 2005? I don't know, but I'll probably be less uncomfortable at this one. GRADE: 1 1/2 Stars

	MOVIE: The Manchurian Candidate TRAILER Well, it's generally bad news to remake a classic. But can you go wrong with Denzel, Jon Voight, Liev Schreiber all directed by Jonathan Demme? And hell, everyone wants to believe conspiracies about the President. This one is just up front about being fiction than the film getting all the buzz at Cannes. GRADE: 3 Stars

	MOVIE: Two Brothers TRAILER Yes, it's a film about tigers. But you know what? The tigers look like better actors than the humans (much less the snake) in the Anacondas film. GRADE: 3 Stars

	MOVIE: Napolean Dynamite TRAILER Um...okay. It's always fun to laugh at people less fortunate in the cool department than us. Then again, I'm writing reviews for a fanboy website, and you're reading them. GRADE: 2 1/2 Stars

	MOVIE: The Stepford Wives TRAILER Meh. So even if this weren't a remake, we now know everything that's going to happen essentially. Christopher Walken and Matthew Broderick bode well, but that only cancel's out Bette Midler. There's still one major plot hole, though: who (besides that idiot Tom Cruise) would want to change a thing about Nicole Kidman? Even with the short hair? GRADE: 1 1/2 Stars

	MOVIE: The Seed of Chucky TRAILER: Oh, hell no. GRADE: 1/2 Star