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Fanboy Sex Ed
You got questions. We have answers.
Personals
Links to various personals websites.
Advice
it never hurts to ask. Horror Stories
Let that pain out little one. Let it out.
Events
Don't hide in your basement. Go out and make the scene!
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:: Advice ::
In these dark and troubled times, sjfanboy.com has secured the aid of Elvis Presley, Frank Sinatra, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, and Tupac to answer all your burning questions. Not even death will stop these celebrities from helping you live a more fulfilling life! Alone, they're... well, dead. Together they are...
Dear Sjfanboy.com,
I think I deserve a raise at work. I do a good job, and have saved the day many times. I'm just afraid to ask my Boss, because I hate confrontations- and she's scary.
- Brad in Ripon |
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"You are the Lizard King. You can do anything." |
"You think your boss is tough? Try having a Black Panther for a mother. Rogue, you have no idea." |
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"And you have no idea what its like to be married to Courtney Love! ARRGGGRGRGHHGRGRGGRGHH!!!." |
| "Boys, boys... you're gettin' a little off the subject here. Brad needs our tender love and support right now if he's ever gonna get out of the sissy job he's wasting his life away with." |
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"Hell! Back in my day, you never even had a dame for a boss!" |
Editor's Note: SJ Fanboy would like to apologize to anyone offended by Mr. Sinatra's outdated belief system.
Dear Sjfanboy.com,
My roommate doesn't do the dishes. EVER. I like her a lot , but I want to gouge her eyes out with her own rotten food encrusted silverware. HELP!!!!!!!!
- Katie in Stockton |
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"There's nothing I like better than to see two broads duke it out. There was this one time with Lauren Bacall, Shelley Winters, and a tub of marinara..." |
| "Honey, the best thing you can do is learn to live with it, because I'm shure there's plenty of things that make your roommate wanna knock you into next week." |
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"Yo Katie! I know what you're saying dawg. I once roomed with Warren G and that mofo wouldn't ever take out the trash." |
"Rotten? Encrusted? Reminds me of the Mrs. " |
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"All I can say is your ballroom days are over, baby. " |
Dear Sjfanboy.com,
I'm around 30 years old and I still live with my mother, but not because I have to or anything. I could move out any time I wanted. I help pay for the groceries. Anyway, my friends are giving me hell about it. Am I normal?
- Akuraw@aol.com in Sacramento |
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"Son, there ain't NOTHIN' wrong with livin' with your Mama. Who else is gonna watch out for ya?" |
"I HATE MY MOTHER! I HATE MY FATHER! THEY WERE MEEEEAAAAANNNN TO ME " |
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"Akuraw, what are you, some kind of puss? By the time I was 30, I was... er...damn." |
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"Hehe. Kind of walked right into that one kid. Akuraw, I learned a long time ago that if you can make it there you can make it anywhere. But if THERE is your mother's house than you're a complete Clyde!" |
| "Father, I want to keel you. Mother, I want to..." |
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Dear Sjfanboy.com,
I work at the mall, but I want to do comic books. I don't want to be stuck in the Valley all my life. But I don't have the money to go to school.
- mick308@hotmail.com in Stockton |
| "There are things known and there are things unknown and in between are the doors. All you need to do is light the fire inside of you. It's there ready to be unleashed, like a dog without a bone, like an actor out on loan." |
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"What the hell are you complainin' about boy?! I got my own problems! How'd you like to die slumped up against a damn toilet?!" |
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"Like I told Snoop when he wanted to become an Amway distributor. Some people should just not follow their dreams. You know what I'm saying?" |
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"Don't have one clue, Sammy. Not a single clue. My advice for you, mick, is knock over three casinos at one time. If someone gets in your way, then let Mr. Shotgun do the talking" |
"Due to the current topic at hand, I have no comment at this time." |
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Dear Sjfanboy.com,
There's a girl at work who is really cute. I'm scared to ask her to go out for coffee or something. I have a hard time talking to girls period. Help!
- Josh in Sacramento |
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"Son, stop your whining and get a movin'. Elvis had the same problem once, ...uh...actually Elvis never had that problem you little wuss. Now go get me a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich." |
| "Hey King, leave him alone. He's on a spirit quest to unleash the infinite residing in his inability to see beyond his limitless possibilities where the space between us is nothing but a wall wrapped within the stratospheric unknown and... " |
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"Lay off the funny stuff you damn hippie! Listen kid, you got a swing it baby, with a bounce! Shoo bee dooby doo. If you don't roll the dice you'll always be on a one way trip to dullsville!" |
"Life is pain. Go kill yourself. Aaaaahhhhhhhhhharrrggghhhhhhhh!!!" |
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"Josh, bring her flowers and go up to the lady and say "Yo b***h! Your *** is smokin!" |
Need answers to life's questions? Send in your queries to contact@sjfanboy.com.
By the way, this is a parody and is in no way shape or form associated
with any of the dead celebrities present or their lawyers.
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